• Amber Seger

Spell: Recipe for Disaster


An anthropomorphic croissant warrior wields a sharp table knife like a two-handed sword. They charge toward the viewer, sending a plate, silverware, and a wine glass flying in the air as they attack.
Art by John MarkS.

 

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Title: Recipe for Disaster

Short description: Transform a willing creature into a walking, talking dish of food.

Flavor text: Pardon me, Lord-Baron Vlazgoth. A very special dessert, compliments of the chef.

Tags: spell, 5th-level transmutation


You or another willing creature transforms into an anthropomorphic dish of food of your choice. The target’s possessions meld completely into this new form for the duration of the spell.


While in this new form, the target can move, speak, and use skills. When the target holds still in their new form, they become perfectly indistinguishable from the actual dish.

Additionally, the target gains one additional benefit appropriate to the new form. (For example, if the target becomes a plate of spaghetti, they could gain extended reach with spaghetti arms.)


While transformed, the target is edible. Each bite deals 4d10 damage to the target.


Casting Time: 1 action

Range: Touch

Components: V, S, M (three ingredients from the chosen dish)

Duration: 1 hour


 

Designer notes: Kenny Webb


Scene: Just Desserts

“Time?”


“5 till.”


“The Baron will be walking in the door now. It’s time. Seal the runes and light the incense. I’ll start the stand mixer.”


The regular kitchen staff continued on as always, but tonight’s special was being prepared in the test kitchen by Evelynna and Hogan Homeguard.


Evelynna’s hood was drawn. She had already begun intoning the words. Hogan made his way to the stand mixer.


Into the bowl went four cups of flour, quarter cup of sugar, two teaspoons of salt, one tablespoon yeast, chopped chocolate. And butter, lots of butter. There was magic in this recipe, passed down from their mother. Before the bad times. Before the Lord-Baron imprisoned their mother.


8:00. Right on time, the door opened a crack. The maître d', a willowy half-devil in a tux, leaned in and whispered, “The vulture has landed.”


Evelynna looked to her brother. “You sure about this? The plan?”


Hogan finished washing his hands of the dough so he could give his sister a proper hug. He grabbed the covered bowl and walked into the ritual circle. “I’m sure.”


Evelynna nodded, closing her eyes and breathing deeply. Her eyes opened, the light and warmth of a stone oven magically pouring from them. One last word sealed the spell.


There was a tremendous POOF of powdered sugar. Evelynna coughed and sputtered, waving the confectioner’s cloud until there stood her brother’s new form: a puffy, flaky, pastry paladin. The tiny man-croissant grabbed a sharp dinner knife, curling up on the plate, a perfect likeness for a scrumptious chocolate croissant. He visualized the moment of revenge, springing forward to bury the knife in the hollow heart of the Lord-Baron.


“Tonight, vengeance will be sweet.”


Possible Uses

Sure, turning into a walking, talking dish of food is fun. But what can you do with it? The possibilities include the following:

  • Enhanced abilities. Part of the spell is to give the target a benefit appropriate to their new form. Capitalize on what you can do as a unique food dish (see “Free Samples” below).

  • Espionage. Lots of talk happens in restaurants, cafes, and bars. And if you can’t be a fly on the wall, you can certainly be a pretzel on the table.

  • Assassination. Every Almsday at 8:00 in the evening, Lord-Baron Vlazgoth goes to Diners, Devils, and Demons to order his traditional rare pegasus steak and Crooked Chocolate Croissant™. It’s the perfect setup to order him a dessert to die for.

  • Scam. Flip the script on some NPCs and pose as a hapless quest-giver, looking for someone to free them from the curse that has turned them into a Beef Wellington.

Free Samples

Recipe for Disaster can be used to transform a willing creature into any dish, provided you have the ingredients to caramelize the spell. Feast your taste buds on the following platter of options and the accompanying abilities they might convey:

  • Spaghetti. Long, noodly arms extend the target’s reach by up to 3 times.

  • Bombe Alaska, flambéed. Hot blue flames spontaneously shroud the target.

  • Tomato Bisque. A liquid form allows the target to sneak under doors, through floorboards, or into a bowl next to a plate of mozzarella dippers.

  • Mozzarella Dippers. A form of almost unimaginable elasticity.

  • Six-Star Curry. Too hot to handle. Anyone who touches the target feels a wild burning sensation wherever they were touched.

  • Blood-Orange Gelatin. A gelatinous form that can warp and squash. Incredible bounciness.

  • Pineapple Pizza. An aura around the target gives rise to furrowed brows, raised voices, and unreasonable verbal sparring about what should and should not go on a pizza.

  • Grilled Threes. A specialty of Halfway Cafe, a classic grilled cheese cut (controversially) into threes. The target’s consciousness is divided evenly between the three pieces.

 

A quick note on how we approach 5e: Occasionally you might see statistics and other choices we make in our publications that make you say, “Huh. I wonder why they did it that way?”You can check out this page dedicated to explaining how we approach 5e.

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